수요일, 1월 07, 2004
it's nearing 2am in the wee hours of the morning and here i sit, in my brother's chair, using his computer (to find out why, re: my petty rant about the workers at dell and the cruel abduction of my laptop) and penning, nay typing down my thoughts in a stream-of-consciousness manner. how lucid.

today is the 8th of january. 9 more days till i fly back to durham. it's pretty much a love-hate thing i have with uni, i suppose. i miss the house, i miss my friends, i even miss the way the mist settles over the river in the morning, but we all know that i won't be 2 minutes on uk soil before i begin to dread the cold or moan, just moan in general. haven't been groomed to be much of a moaner, but then again, there's always a time and place for everything. ah, such is life.

i've realised in the days that i've been back (yes, mere days) how lucky i am. back in uni i met people from all walks of life, some people i can't even begin to describe. i'm so lucky to have a loving family, great friends and such a wonderful life that defies all manner of perception. it's days like these when i thank God for being everything i need to get me through the day, and sometimes not just get me through, but over and above that, being a testament to everyone else in my life what a wonder He can be.

i'm not a very holy-guacamole person, but i rationalise that it's the little things that matter more than the promulgations of religious fervour that some people i know tend to be more than just a little bit partial to. to be honest, it's a bit offputting to see your salt of the earth totally not practising what they preach (and i think some of my pals are with me on this). i guess it's pretty much Christians who come under the proverbial fire for what they do or do not do in their lives. it's every so often that i get a question along the lines of 'he/she is a Christian right, so why don't they say Grace/pray/live their life a certain way?' it's quite amazing how some non-Christians, highly ironically, know more about the so-called Christian lifestyle than the Christians themselves, or rather, than said Christians care to abide by. odd, but then again, it's usually the critics who well, quite simply, criticise; hence the nitpicking. but sometimes, that can be a hard question to answer, especially when the mistakes, nay omissions by people who call themselves Christians can be so glaring that it's hard to actually answer them in a non-incriminating way. such arguments tend to be circular, therefore meaning that you'll probably just end up wasting your breath because, quite simply, there is no way around it. which brings to mind the question: have my actions ever put another fellow Christian in a spot similar to this? simple question, but which might command an answer that is more than skin-deep.

maybe it's the time of night that promotes self-reflection, but i shan't continue. on a lighter note, i went out today with my mom. she's such a wonderful person, i can't imagine what i would do without her. we're so alike in so many ways, we're not just talking physically here, but we even reached for the same dress that was put in 2 separate places today, which brings to mind the phrase i overheard on a tv show once: that we all (as daughters) turn into our mothers. my mom is the only person i know who had the courage to leave her job to raise 3 kids in suburbia, the strength to undergo veritable persecution for becoming a born-again Christian from doubting Thomases, for teaching me everything that i know today, and do basically everything else that she does with such finesse. my mom and i: we're pretty much complementary in so many ways, it's a bit freaky if you think about it. okay, my fascination with quizzes aside, other than that, we even use the same expressions. God bless you Mom, you're the closest anyone has ever come to being an angel. despite the rough times we've gone through, i still love you and i know how much you love me. xx

okay guys, long entry, sorry about that. i really think it's this time of the night that facilitates the process (kz: PRA-cess) of writing, or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. whichever it is though, there are a whole lot of things that many of us just whizz past every day without realising how important they are in our lives. don't let that something disappear without giving yourself a chance to appreciate it.

i'm gonna miss everyone here in SG. hear that you guys? gonna miss you! email me if i don't email you. take care dudes, it's been a wild ride. =) i'll be back for more thrills and spills in june, so this ain't the end just yet!