일요일, 2월 01, 2004
today has been totally random in the most random way. i can't seem to keep my mind on more than one thing at a time, and my attention span has waned to an average of maybe 2 seconds. despite the fact that it (my attention span) has shortened itself to a length that is shorter than your average matchstick, i did manage to get some of my reading done for the next tutorial. whether it actually makes any tangible sense is another thing altogether.

there are some events in life that creep up on you when you least expect it. i don't normally philosophise and mull on the inner workings of life all the time, but right now seems to be the right time to do it. maybe it's because i'm nearing the threshold of the big 2-0 (yikes), or whatever wacky reason that maybe the rationale behind this sudden reflectiveness of being, but i just feel that tonight when i creep under the covers, i ought to spend some time rethinking my life and trying to sort out all the knots that i tried to tie but somehow didn't quite get the hang of.

i once learnt that some tribe from long ago used to tie knots in long pieces of string as a way of recording their stories and history. it was a way of making their stories live on through the telling and retelling of the thoughts, ideas and events that a knot signified, even though the knotted string itself remained silent. they remain like grooves in our memories, that seek to remind us of whatever has made an impact in our lives. some may be pleasant, some not so, others might even be unknotted over time, but somehow the kinks in the string or the imprints left on the sand that lay below it seem to persist in telling us exactly what happened. thinking back on whatever has happened in the past year since i last had a birthday, i see how many things i haven't actually forgotten, even though i was meant to have, or should have, or could have.

why do i keep remembering all the little things that have happened that i mean to forget? i know i should, and i know that they probably don't mean a thing, unless that's the classic female denial, but if they were meant to be forgotten, surely they wouldn't have been so special. maybe that's why they're hanging around so much.

memories are funny things.

p/s: brian. yes, that baloney brian: that's because i designed my brother's site.