토요일, 6월 12, 2004
a slightly deflated start.

it's as if the day never got up off its feet at all. already the sun is going down but still there hasn't been a solution, yet life goes on as it always does.

why thus?

the sun never goes down in my head. it's like a city that never sleeps. no rest for the wicked, they say -- but am i?

troubled i am because trouble troubles me. not so much troubles, but rather trouble itself. much like what they say in movies, 'you have nothing to fear but fear itself.'

no wonder that's my new nickname.

breaking down barriers isn't at all easy. there seems to have been a lack of anything save for an over-abundance of melodrama in the past few pregnant hours. all i know is that tears do not melt the ice that stands tall and forbidding over everything that transfers itself through the phone. i don't think i'll ever be able to do it; leastways not for now.

hate melodrama. better a life of mundanity than fifteen seconds of action-packed soap opera laced with self-pity, pompousness and narcissistic outpourings that only draw attention to the 'me, me, me' complex.

i can't stand the way you like to lord it over me sometimes. sometimes i wonder why i put so much into our friendship. you left me standing alone and told lie after lie to save your own skin, yet i took the blame that should have been yours unquestioningly. only to me did you say that you were sorry, but what does all that mean? your cowardice i was willing to overlook, yet that didn't do anything to strengthen our friendship did it?

people only argue because they care, no doubt about that.

there seems to be no way to go except to back down, which i'm sure i will manage given the fact that life has given me so many years thus. things will work themselves out.