수요일, 6월 09, 2004
i follow the night
can't stand the light
when will i begin
to live again?
one day i'll fly away
leave all this to yesterday
what more could
your love do for me?
when will love be
through with me?
why live life from
dream to dream
and dread the day
when dreaming ends?

one day i'll fly away
leave all this to yesterday
why live life from
dream to dream
and dread the day
when dreaming ends?

one day i'll fly away
fly, fly away

***

sometimes i really feel like flying away from it all, but then again, i realise that there are reasons for me to stay as well.

last night we were watching tv, but later on the focus shifted from the box to the conversation that we were having. it's strange just how well we get along -- when he voiced some of his opinions i was thinking in my head: you think that too? and to think that it all started with an episode of big brother.

it's nice to know that, even for a moment, you've broken common ground with someone, and yesterday we found that, just the two of us, without even trying.

too bad that his roommate had to come back at the most opportune time, and in that split second i think lots of things changed. for one, i let go of his hand.

i don't know whether i would have changed anything about that, but all the same i can't help but think that i was doing something wrong. the notion that someone might enter the room and find us in any sort of compromising position i.e. anything that might require explanation of any sort was of utmost avoidance in my mind. what i didn't realise was that in my letting go of his hand, i couldn't tell whether he was letting go of mine.

so now i feel like a bit of an idiot. that, plus the fact that i'm not totally sure whether he's just messing around. all very confusing, to be sure, but the thing is that now i'm starting to care, even if it's just a little bit.

oh God, please help me.