목요일, 7월 22, 2004
today my mum and i got lost while on the cte. it was quite harrowing, mainly because the sun was sweltering, not to mention that the good people of singapore have such gracious manners when it comes to road etiquette. missing the turning not once but twice makes a grand total of close to half and hour of lost time when it comes the kallang bahru area. poo.

at least, i think it was the cte. now i'm not even sure.

i've been doing some thinking the past few days. sometimes i feel like there's nothing left for me here, yet at the same time i can't help but wonder: there must be a reason why God put me here, but have i fulfiled that purpose yet? two decades, and this is all i have to answer for it. was rummaging through some of my boxes of stuff this afternoon, and there are too many relics of my past that still exist, albeit in cardboard boxes stacked up in the storeroom. in the near future, i'm going to have to take some of these out and throw them away, after trying to preserve them so fervently for any number of years, and relegate them to the rubbish man who comes by every morning to get the trash. so much for memories huh.

but then again, without change life would be stagnant. in a way i'm glad that this pathway has opened for me. it's almost as if the dream that has been in the pipelines all this while has finally come to fruition. the next few years of my life have suddenly taken a drastically different turn, and more choices will have to be made. packing up and leaving is going to be hard, but then again, a change of scene is always good. who knows, maybe this scene will do me good.
as i fill my suitcases and struggle in the shallows with my cantonese, i watch the sunset over the rooftops -- one of the last that i'll ever see here for a long time. some time in the next few months, the place i will call home will be different, and just for a minute, i wonder: in the game of life, are we all in control of our destiny, or merely pawns in the hand of the winds of change?