월요일, 9월 20, 2004
there has been time for mulling today.

i wonder why people have to hurt each other the way they do, and why we take so much from some, yet so little from others.

why we see some, and ignore others.

i find it hard to comprehend the fact that somewhere, somehow, what we do today will affect someone else's life tomorrow. i cannot understand why sometimes i think of some people more than i should, and most importantly, i do not fathom the strength with which people take on and the lengths they go to for that certain person.

all for love.

love is a many-splendoured thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love. watching moulin rouge as a starry-eyed teenager i realised the depth of that statement. forever waiting for the moment and the strains of 'someday i'll fly away' to pipe through, i stand by the double yellow lines on the side of the road, waiting for that moment.

i thought i found it some time ago, and again, and again, but somehow the curtain doesn't fall, the actors and actresses leave, and i stand alone on an empty stage, smelling the greasepaint and the cultured stench of sweat and costumes, waiting for that moment. i say my lines to rows of unoccupied seats, and hear the echoes of my own voice bouncing back to my ears. they sound pretty, but to me they make no sense. i say the word over and over but at the same time question what is love? love? i know no love.

i know no love.

no love.

love.

yet i hear in the back of the theatre, an untrained voice calling out that same word to me. faceless, nameless, and it is not the echo i hear. maybe one day, when the glare of the spotlight has faded, i will see that face, and know that name, and hear that word spoken, like droplets of golden sunshine falling on twinkling starlight. until then, i have to continue saying my lines, repeating them if need be, pouring my soul into my recitation. maybe someday in the not so distant future, i might see you, the keeper of my soul, the helmsman of my ship and king of all my bounty. that i might know your face, be it old or new, that i might know your face.

for the moment that i know your face.