토요일, 11월 13, 2004
the utter gimpish-ness of orlando bloom appalls me. i sat down to watch troy last night with the rest of my housemates (and ayman), and the boy was being an absolute idiot. not ayman, orlando. but first things first, we had chinese take-out for dinner, the coupons of which mr pinkie so kindly provided. thus, our dinner so easily provided, we got down to our task of helping to polish off everything, which we did quite easily -- making a short job of the food we ordered and the chinese food which nat brought back from newcastle. s'easy.

back to orlando being a gimp then. i was continually shifting in my seat the whole time during the show because of the many tragic elements that peppered each and every scene, but most of all, orlando managed to aggravate me the most. to think that a might empire fell because of one woman? to be honest, i thought helen was being a bit of a slag and trying to seduce everyone, but the best thing was that she wasn't even sorry for causing all that trouble. in fact, trouble seems to be an understatement. and the numerous exhortations by paris, (that bloom boy's character) that no one need fight his war were obviously all a bunch of cotton wool anyway, since in the end, everyone but him fought his damn bloody war.

in fact, the only thing he managed to muster up at the end was to kill the amoral mercernary -- achilles, which, by the way, was totally historically incorrect. his 'skill' with a bow and arrow which only emerged towards the last five minutes of the show served only to fend off a few enemies; and to muck it all up by way of a grand finale, he rends achilles through his heel. all i thought there was: poor brad pitt... to be fair, the guy was trying to save his sweetheart, but nooo... paris has to creep up behind achilles and do his worst while the man is distracted. that's just cowardice to me. what i thought was really poignant was when the king of sparta (helen's ex) beat paris to a pulp and yelled up to the walls of troy: is this what you left me for? sure, he was an meanie, but honestly, paris was just a himbo.

i wouldn't say the movie had much depth to begin with, but that, seemingly, is not the point here. the total lack of plot, and the fact that gratitious nude and semi-nude scenes (with fiddly bits covered, of course) were used as fillers between the slash, stab and burn carnage bits did not amuse anyone very much. eric bana was amazing though, but more on that another time. brad pitt proved himself to be the legend that he is, despite looking quite unglam in a dodgy haircut and obscenely short skirt. he still deserves kudos in my book for his portrayal of history's tortured hero. eric bana did a good job as well -- but orlando bloom!! gimp!!! two-dimensional, flat, cowardly, the list does go on, he deserved to be punched by his brother on that ship back to troy and having that bike helen taken away from him. not to mention minus five thousand hero points for letting his you-know-what rule his head. gimp.

*mutters* gimp.

i realised that half the world has probably watched troy, but i don't care. he deserves a mention on my blog for his tragic fall from grace. what he has to realise is that whatever he did that shot him to fame as legolas just will not work in every other character that he takes on post-lotr. gimp.