금요일, 1월 28, 2005
here i am, sitting in the living room, trying to make sense of my life with renu and carmen.

it all started because i wanted to take the sign off the picture of the owl yesterday. none of them would let me, but i wanted to do so all the same because of the fact that knowing me, i would forget and make a fool of myself should he come into the house on thursday evening and see said sign on said owl picture.

there seems to be something wrong with my memory these days. it never used to be bad, but somehow it appears that my brain cells are degenerating, and i have become as feather-brained as your pillow. could this be age catching up on me? i seriously doubt so, but still, it makes no sense that my capacity for retaining information has taken on goldfish status. all i'm afraid of is how badly i will pay for this defect once the exams come.

that aside though, i wonder what our individual aims in life are. which one of us is meant to be a successful career woman/devoted housewife/world-class athlete/none of the above? it worries me to think that so many people around us have some form or idea of the people they will be, and so should i too, but somehow the real true vision eludes me a little.

which leads me to the question: dude, why am i single? probably because i can't bring myself to chase guys, but that is not the case in point here.

my two housemates are both lovely people, but they cannot recognise that, and so lament about the emptiness in their lives. when i say emptiness i mean romantic element (lack of). i say, that's fair enough, but at the same time, it's probably because they're too closed-off to opportunities. it's not that there aren't any men around, it's just that they don't want to give those men who are there a chance.

if either of you are reading this, accept the fact that you're beautiful, intelligent, a joy to be with -- any guy with two brain cells would want to date you (and they do!) no one is, on the contrary, a step further ahead from you merely because they like someone. after all, how realistic a vision is that? if i liked someone, and that someone reciprocated, then yes, i am one step ahead, but that is not the case, so i hope we've got that sorted out once and for all. nothing like an example to drive a point home.

so to my unattached housemates: keep being the beautiful people you already are. no more of this self-deprecating rubbish. i'm with you on this one.