화요일, 3월 01, 2005
happy march lah.

i think i'm going to wax lyrical on nonsensical things. shall i wax lyrical on nonsensical things? well today's been a funny sort of day. got home from my 9am lecture and started making full use of my capacity as a student, at least while the interest lasts. there's something about being at home alone which does wonders for the mind and spurs it on to make greater use of the time. this brings me to the conclusion that i am pretty much a loner when it comes to studying and doing work. well, maybe not so much a loner as needing my own space free of distraction.

i could actually live in a house by myself. sure, it would probably get very lonesome after a while, but for some reason the hermit's life is not without it's charms. to not have to answer to anyone or anything for the stuff you do, and whiling your days away in blissful ignorance. some days that sort of thing appeals to me, and when people ask me what i want to do with my life, all i can say is that i want to be happy. which is the question i sometimes ask myself: whether all this stuff i'm doing now is really making me happy, or merely giving me a self-misted cloud of what i make out to be happiness because it really can't be anything else. i don't want to live my life having to think that the definition of happiness is a pre cut-out one, which everyone has to shrink to fit in order to feel like they've accomplished something.

but i have a feeling that on some level, everyone does. do that, i mean. if someone really were to throw caution to the wind and say that they didn't care what other people thought and they were going to make themselves truly happy, society wouldn't say oh yes, go you! they'd probably say, what a weirdo. that's what i think anyway.

that's enough for the thought of the day. if i go on any longer this will probably morph into something else, and i don't have time for that. goodbye, i have an essay to complete.