화요일, 4월 26, 2005
the other day i was reclining on the couch, and for the first time in a long time, looked downwards. now, i usually hate to talk about myself and/or make reference to my weight as i have decidedly given up on fighting with my body for ever and ever amen, but... myboobshavegrown.

not in an overtly obvious way i don't think, but these things you just can tell. if it was one thing that was the bane of my life, my bra size would have to be it. when everyone wanted bigger boobs in secondary school, i just hunched my shoulders and muttered to myself. at the time it seemed like there was no one else who actually understood what i was going through, and i stood alone amongst a multitude of washboard chests.

whywhywhywhywhy? i honestly don't know where i inherit them from. my mother has pretty decent-looking ones, but mine are just weirdy and goose pimply and above all, yukky. sometimes, due to my unfortunate lack of height, it seems to me like my boobs are going to eat my head or something. not to mention that they stick out a mile and make me look like a treetrunk thanks the deadly combo of my waist (lack of) and now ever-encroaching chest. soon it's going to need its own postal code.

grunt and groan, i cringe whenever my eyes stray to the top shelf at the newsagents and i see women with assets pumped full of silicone staring back at me. question: how do men even like that? but anyway, that is not the Point. i know i promised myself that i wouldn't try to aspire to change my whole body structure a long time ago, but sometimes i can't help but feel that if some things were different, maybe i'd be a whole lot happier. i mean, it looks particularly icky in t-shirts, especially when putting on an article of clothing sometimes feels like i've encased my breathing organs in a vice.

grrrr.

and nevermind that, if that region of mine has really increased in size, then how? i'll have to go buy new... supporting garments, if you know what i mean, and i do not have the time or resources for that kind of thing. not to mention the intense dissatisfaction that pervades whenever i look in the mirror. :(

ok folks, body hating time is over. i think.