금요일, 5월 06, 2005
i actually have not done a smidgen of work this morning. why? because i've been running around getting my washing out of the dryer, ironing, folding and putting it back in my wardrobe, going to the science site to put in a report for my lost campus card and getting a new one done, packing my stuff up to get ready for my study-a-thon in Boy's empty house later on in the day, and basically dragging my tired carcass halfway around town. it's amazing how fast the hours fly by, yet there are times in your life when every second seems to hobble by.

like last night. now, i'm not a big fan of crying, because i learnt from an early age that things like that never get anyone anywhere in life. so right from the time i was a wee tot, i realised never to turn on the waterworks at any time, and after some time i was conditioned to just not have an urge to wail at all. i remember once i was watching titanic with some friends in the cinema (yes, we were that cool and funky) and everyone was whipping out the kleenex when jack popped his clogs, but there was not a sniffle from me. come to think of it, you probably wouldn't catch me bawling over leonardo dicaprio at any time. but the point i'm trying to get at here is that from a person of such fortitude and firmness, i found out yesterday that i have well and truly changed.

for one thing, a tap has been installed somewhere inside.

back to last night. all i was doing was talking to Boy in the union, and for some reason i couldn't stop the tears from falling. maybe it was an indicator of stress, or maybe because i have some unresolved issues in my life that haven't been brought to the forefront of my brain (the medulla oblongata, i believe) just yet. but i cried - truly for the first time in years. of course i felt a bit stupid after that, but at least i'd gotten all that frustration out of my system. it felt like somewhere, somehow, i was crying all those tears that had been bottled inside for the longest time. the tears that neglected to fall at the screening of titanic all those years ago probably got set free yesterday night. but the best thing of all was that Boy didn't say anything, and yet seemed to understand that some comfort was all i needed.

i guess after having a good cry, every smile i had seemed even more precious.