토요일, 6월 25, 2005


i've reached the closest thing to happiness in the state that i'm in.

the days have grown longer, and i can soon look forward to leaving on a jet plane and going back home to the place where life seems so much more uncomplicated, where the air runs cooler, where my family waits for me. the thing about going home is that it always stirs up myriad emotions that well up inside me, reaching depths that i've never felt before.

it evokes memories that no one else will ever quite be able to experience, and soothes my soul like a balmy breeze that rolls over the vast fields that lie silent save for their gentle whispers that sing lullabies to the earth as the rest of the world sleeps, just paces away from where they are. one of these days i will take my camera and hike up to the fields that held my heart from the time i saw them and capture them within a photograph, although the lens hardly compares to the tangible beauty that pervades and permeates one's vision, a veritable barrage to the senses.

the fact is that i long for the day when my lot in life leads me home, even if it is for a short while. all my life i've longed for a change of scene; a life less ordinary, which was different from the mundane rigmarole i was put through for as long as i can remember. this wanderlust brought me to where i am today, and it would be a lie to say that i feel the bitter tang of regret, but yet at the same time my heart still belongs to my family, no matter how far afield my travels bring me. wherever they are, i will be. wherever they go, i will follow.

i feel gratitude, and even indebted, to these people who brought me up, and built me up as you would a house, brick by solid brick, persisting with herculean strength to the present day, rarely missing a beat. if not for chance that brought us together with familial ties, we would be mere strangers in an unfriendly world, and i would never have had the privilege to have my family around me in times of blessing and crisis, to love and support unconditionally regardless. they are the reason i thank God for the good He has given me in my life, even when things get bleak and dreary.

after the tears have dried, i look back and think that everything happens for a reason, and the reason for me may not be blatantly apparent, but i believe i will be able to find it when the time is right. but for now my homing radar looks toward my family, the harbour where my spirit comes to rest.